


With No Wings To Fly With

by OurDeal



Category: National Football League RPF
Genre: Kind of angsty, M/M, Past Mpreg, Sequel, original child character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurDeal/pseuds/OurDeal
Summary: Danny has to come clean about some things, and Julian is unsuspecting about it. Sequel to White Noise.





	With No Wings To Fly With

It’s been a couple of months since Julian walked in on Danny—holding the biggest secret in his arms. It hurts every day when he really thinks about it—how Danny just left him in the dark about everything. It was already hard enough when Danny left, but knowing what he knows now, Julian wishes he would have fought harder. One night of weakness ended up with consequences that they didn’t take into account in the first place. Julian knows he already messed up when he entered Danny’s apartment without warning, but to see the stressed look on Danny’s face—Julian’s world just shattered right in front of him. It was only made worse by the screaming of the baby in Danny’s arms. Julian could feel it in his soul—that child was his, and it hurt to know that Danny kept him from that.

When Danny explained that the baby was also his, Julian became tongue-tied, not knowing what to say in that situation. All he could will out of his mouth was ‘why’. Why did you keep her from me? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you see me and not say anything? Why must you hurt me like this? The questions kept repeating in his mind, over and over until the sounds of the screaming in his head became too much. He couldn’t believe it—something that he thought could never happen, did…and it has significantly changed everything.

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_“Just tell me why, Danny. Why did you keep her from me? I need to know.” Julian’s voice can’t mask the desperation in it. It kills Danny to know that hiding this from the one man he’s ever loved could break him so easily. There are tears running down Julian’s face, and Danny can’t help but feel as if he is the one who created this in the first place. He wants to tell Julian why he never said anything. He knew it was for his protection, and Danny wanted Julian to live the life that he could never have._

_“Because –because I love you. Because I didn’t want you to see me like that. I didn’t want you to give up your career over me. I wanted so much more for you. I wanted you to live the life that I have lived. The loneliness that eats me up inside, and the feeling of hatred that I have for myself. It was something that I didn’t want you to see. When I found out about her, I couldn’t understand why it happened. I thought that part of me was done. I thought that once the doctors had told me that I had no hope of ever having the dream that I wanted, that it was over for me. Julian, you think that you’ve seen the worse in me, but there are demons that hide much deeper than that. Rose...she brought me out of my own darkness. She gave me a purpose for something again. She gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings. She is my everything, and I can’t have her taken from me. You can be angry with me all you want, but don’t hurt her.” Julian can’t help but look at Danny with disbelief and sorrow. His heart hurts to hear those words come out of Danny’s mouth, and it’s worse by the fact that Danny thinks that he could be mad at an innocent child. Before he knows it, Julian is walking towards Danny, one hand outstretched in front of him to show that he’s no threat. Danny ends up holding the baby closer to his body, trying to shield them from Julian’s perceived anger._

_“Danny, no—please, don’t hide her from me. I’m just trying to understand why you did hide her from me in the first place. You know I love you so much, and it hurts me to see you like this. I’ve missed you and I wish you would have told me about her. I would have been there for you. Did you already know about her before you saw me? Or was it after? Please, I need to know. I swear, if you don’t want me around, that’s fine, I won’t bother you again. I just want to know.” Danny’ s heart is falling out of his chest at this point, knowing that this is their make it or break it moment. He wants to stay with Julian, but at the same time, Danny knows that Julian will regret their relationship if it is to continue._

_“Jules…I-I don’t know what to say that would make this better. I was scared, Jules. I knew that we hadn’t talked about having kids, but she happened, and I’ve never been happier. I wanted her from the moment I found out about her, but I didn’t know how to tell you. You are on the other side of the country, and I am here. We barely see each other as it is. I don’t think throwing a baby into the mix would help at all. I knew that as soon as I found out about her, and I just didn’t want her to grow up between two different parts of the country. I love you and I love her, and I didn’t want to constantly break both of your hearts, Julian. That’s the why—she’s all I have now.” Sitting down on the barely used couch, Danny’s arms feel heavy with the weight of his baby. Holding her close, her ear is pressed up against his chest, and his heart beat having a calming effect on her. Julian kneels right in front of Danny, trying to work up the courage to spill his feelings._

_“Listen, Danny—I never got to explain how heartbroken I became the day that they let you go. It was the stupidest decision on their part, and to see your joy dim, killed me, to say the least. I could tell that you were unhappy with Miami and now, here in Detroit, it’s the same thing. Danny, if you’d let me, I’d like to stay here until the season begins, and we can figure it out from there. I don’t want to leave, but if that’s what you want, then I understand.” Julian’s hand is holding his, and Danny can’t think. It’s strange to have Julian begging for something, but at the same time, Julian never asks. Leaning down, Danny’s lips end up pressing against Julian’s in hope of conveying the message of what he really wants._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He can’t help but stare at Danny, who now sits across from him in a nondescript dinner. It’s the only place they both know that they can hide—where no one knows your name and people are just passing by. Hands are holding each other, and for the first time in a small while, they are faced with an impossible decision. What to do now that the season is upon them. On one hand, Danny knows that he has to stay in Detroit, but on the other, he doesn’t want to. He knows that his happiness is with Rose and Julian, and he could care less where they end up, as long as they end up together. Julian—well, he doesn’t want to experience separation from Danny ever again, but contracts are going to keep them apart. It’s not fair to either of them, but that’s just the way life ended up being.

“It’s going to be okay, Danny. We’ll figure this out. I know that you’re only here for a year, and I swear to you that it will go by so fast. I want to be with you and Rose all of the time, but I’ll be stuck in Boston, wanting you both. It’s going to hurt, and I know that this already sucks for both of us, but we have to try.” Julian can feel tears trying to make their presence known, but he won’t let them fall. Danny’s grip gets tighter, knowing that everything comes down on their shoulders in a couple of weeks.

“It’s not the ideal situation, Julian, but we have to make do with what we have. I know it’s not fair for either of us, but it’s even worse for Rose. She is too young to understand why her parents aren’t in the same room all of the time. Or why there’s someone who came into her life, was there for a bit, and then left. Although she is still a newborn, she’ll understand that something’s wrong. She’ll pick up on that. She’ll sense the fact that I’ll be sad without you, and in turn, she’ll become fussy. I know a year is not a long time, but for her, it’s her entire life. We both want you here, but I understand why it can’t happen right away. We have commitments and contracts to fulfill but don’t worry, soon we’ll be together again.” Danny’s eyes want to tear up again, but he’s tired of crying. There is nothing left for him, and he can’t even bear to try anymore. Julian’s hand squeezes his again, and there’s a look in those blue eyes, telling Danny that he understands what is happening and he hates it all the same.

“It doesn’t mean we can’t try.” Julian whispers before leaning over the table to kiss Danny. He is going to try everything in his power to figure out something, but for now, he’ll take in this moment.


End file.
